Married PE teacher, 31 arrested for 'graveyard romps' with an underage male student

Original story published 8/22/2017

Charli Jones Parker, a PE teacher at a private Christian school, was arrested in March over the alleged romps.

She was indicted on 13 counts of a school employee having sex with a student under the age of 19, local media reports.

It was claimed she’d had sex with an unnamed student, who is understood to be a male, 11 times between October 2014 and March 2016.

They romped and enjoyed oral sex, court files said, at a location in the US city of Pickensville, Alabama, and two more in nearby Reform.

Among them was Graham Cemetery and a "red wood building" in Reform, each of which was visited at least four times by the duo.

It was further claimed that Parker met her victim three times at the home she shared with her husband in Pickensville.

On August 15, she reportedly admitted one charge while several others were dismissed under her plea agreement.

Now the 31-year-old has been given a 12-year sentence, including three years in jail and seven on probation.

And that’s not all – her husband Jamie Parker, a fellow teacher, was arrested on the same charges.

They taught at the same school, Pickens Academy in Carrolton, where she was head coach for the girls' basketball team.

She also taught physical education, computers and elementary school, while her husband was the boys' basketball coach and a teacher.

According to local news site, Mr Parker’s victim was a former female student and he faces trial on November 27 – both have lost their jobs.

Forget the opiod epidemic spreading across America; Female Teacher Sex Scandals are almost an everyday news hit!

When this story first broke yesterday, there was a flurry of photos already up of our gurl—Charli Jones Parker. All I could think about was the uncanny resemblance between Mrs. Parker and former American Gladiator, Gina Carano (aka China). Granted, Charli is more akin to a low-rent version of Gina. Just for the record.

With that out of the way, this story comes out of the great, clean and pure state of Alabama; in a town called Pickensville. A town like any other around these parts; full of do-gooders (hypocrites) and the worshiping type: A family town.

Our gurl is married to her partner in crime, literally. She and her husband have both, allegedly, committed...grave offences (separate from each other), at the same private Christian school where they both worked. And get this, Charli Parker’s mom—who is a 6th grade teacher—also works at the same school! Fun for the whole family! Nothing brings family closer than multiple court dates, trials, unemployment and a life of ruin!

When things in Pickensville go bump-in-the-night, they actually do. Our gurl, apparently, on multiple occasions met up with her student de jure at the local cemetery for rounds of blowjays, handjerbies and most likely, a bit of tombstone sex. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like being bent over a mossy rock belonging to the town’s mayor, circa 1912. Killing two birds with one stone: romp + history lesson. I digress.

The thing I don’t get, is that our gurl is supposed to be a mature adult and leader. Why would you choose the cemetery? Doesn’t Pickensville have a nice back alley behind a Cinemark Theater, a logging camp, or a dimly lit Denny’s parking lot? Who are we to judge, though? Our gurl probably wanted to pray with her student; pray that they both wouldn’t get caught!

The public sees cemetery sex as ‘desperate’, ‘unclean’, and ‘disrespectful’. However, I’d like to point out that where there is death, there can also be life.

Of course, something like this would happen in the great Teacher Sex Scandal state of Alabama; where just ten days ago, a state judge deemed Alabama’s teacher-student sex law unconstitutional.

So, before the grounds-keeper begins cleaning the sticky cobwebs off those tombstones, they might want to just hold off; because our gurl might just be back at it in no time.

The Report Card

Methodology: Graveyard sex and romps at your marital home, which happened on 11 occasions, spread over a three year period. With that amount of time, why not make it a bakers dozen? Granted, our gurl is married and a mother of one; so it's hard to make time in order to 'enjoy oral' in a graveyard with your male student, teaching a full load, doing the laundry, cooking dinner, balancing the cheque book etc. Who has the time these days? Our gurl was spread thin. Life lesson: Choose a life passion, and stick with it.


Integrity: Our gurl took the meaning of 'physical education' close to heart. Being in a town that has a median household income of $25,357.00, we can see why the graveyard would be the perfect choice for a no-frills fuck: no admission charge, no room fees, no problem. Morally, the thought is haunting.


Presentation/looks: Our low-rent China look-a-like is essentially what you would expect from a Alabama, small town married mom of one; who just so happens to enjoy a live, underage bone inside of her creamy-torium; under the alien glow of the moon and dead onlookers. You can tell by her sharp stare, in all her twitter and social media photos, that our gurl is probably a seasoned pop-go hopper from back in her college years. It's all in the eyes. Her twitter handle is @Cjones_parker. Cjaw would be more appropriate now.


Overall Grade

B (solid)

Case Filed

#TeachersWorthyofaD #Culture #Satire


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