ORAL LESSONS: Basalt Female Choir Teacher, Brittany Von Stein, 26, Sexted & Kissed Student

Original Story at Aspentimes.com

Brittany Von Stein, 26, the music teacher and choir director at Basalt High School, allegedly was sexting with the student while he was hanging out with friends one night, according to an affidavit for an arrest warrant for von Stein. The student fell asleep and his friends read the texts, said the affidavit filed by Thomas Wright, a school resource police officer with Basalt Police Department. The date that the boys spent the night together wasn’t revealed. The affidavit said it was the same day as a memorial service for a student at Basalt High School.

One of the boys told Wright about the texts on Aug. 29. That juvenile “said they saw messages from Ms. von Stein talking about kissing and sex,” Wright’s affidavit said. “(The source) said the next morning, the entire group confronted (the student). (He) admitted that the texts were from Ms. von Stein. He further admitted to having an ongoing sexual relationship with Ms. von Stein.”

The alleged victim asked the other boys to “keep it a secret,” the affidavit said.

Wright’s affidavit said he disclosed the apparent existence of the texts to a prosecutor and they made plans to obtain a search warrant to confiscate the victim’s smartphone.

The iPhone proved to be a turning point in the investigation. Wright wrote that the investigation began earlier, on Aug. 14, but the alleged victim repeatedly denied having sex with von Stein.

The investigation began when Basalt High School Principal Peter Mueller and Roaring Fork School District Superintendent Rob Stein called Basalt officers to report that von Stein had disclosed to them that one of her students, a juvenile male, had kissed her during a private vocal lesson.

“Ms. von Stein reported this incident occurred at the Basalt High School sometime in January,” the affidavit said. “Ms. von Stein disclosed she had been hearing rumors accusing her of having sex with (the student).”

The school administrators requested an investigation into the matter as soon as possible.

Wright wrote that he started his investigation the next day. Aug. 15, with an interview of the student. His workload at school required him to have private vocal lessons with von Stein.

“(The student) said that during one of those private lessons, he kissed Ms. von Stein,” the affidavit said. “He said she told him that no one could ever know that happened; it would have to be their secret.”

The student acknowledged he flirted with von Stein via texts and although she didn’t flirt back initially, she eventually became “very personal with him through text.”

The student told Wright there were rumors he was having sex with von Stein, but that it wasn’t true. He admitted he might have bragged to friends while intoxicated about having sex with her.

“I asked (the student) if he was still communicating with Ms. von Stein via text. He said yes,” the affidavit said. “He said he even warned her that he had told his parents they kissed. (The student) said Ms. von Stein text(ed) him back saying she would have to tell the principals.”

Wright also spoke to the mother of the student and learned a friend of hers warned her that her son was having sex with the teacher. The mother said she confronted her son but he said he and von Stein had only kissed.

That was a lot of fat to chew on; Brittany needs to do less chewing and more cardio.

Eight years can change a person; we all aren't the man or woman we were back in High school. For a lot of women though, high school is forever.

With that said, lets take a step back, travel through time and space; Let's meet teen Brittany when she was just graduating High School; See what her future held and what she was like!

Nerd alert!

Brittany predicted most of her future, correct; seemed to miss on the whole making-out, kissing sessions with her student and possibly letting him establish his own In-N-Out franchise between her thighs; producing a moist, beef-patty-of-a-pussy.

To this day, it looks like Old Navy is still Brittany's favorite destination for all things, apparel.

On the surface, Brittany is your typical American chick who loves Harry Potter, Gay celebs and watching mindless TV shows. Typical, again, in that she use to be a decent weight when she was younger, then blew herself out like a cartoon-ish blueberry.

Brittany 7 Years Ago....not too bad

There will be more current video (official evidence/presentation) in the Report Card's 'presentation/looks' section, however, I wanted to provide some context with the above.

It is important to note that Brittany, just a year ago, had won the CMEA Outstanding Young Educator Award.

She already was accepting greatness, now she is trying to achieve excellence by making-out with a student and possibly fricking him. It is the type of Can-Do spirit we applaud here, no matter how bad Brittany's chances will be (Given her weight) in vying for the top spot for best FTSS, no less the top 20.

As they always say in the teaching profession, "You can't expect greatness if you don't at least try!"

What we always say over here is that sometimes trying is the first step towards failure.

The Report Card

Methodology: The affidavit drips with drama that you could only find in old film noir, cop shows.

The investigation starts off by a chance bit of text discovered, salacious in nature. Rumors of hot teacher sex begins to marinate in the hallways of Basalt High; both parties stonewall the police. The crack in the case was the kid's mom letting the flatfoot have access to the phone; under tireless questioning, the kid admits the sexy truth.

Brittany played the old 'private lessons' strategy: Get the kid alone, cornered and offer-up the cooter.

Oral lessons, indeed. Heavy make-out sessions and possible bone-bashing of the velvet bun. Insist that their 'sessions' be a secret, only enticing a teen boy further into the drama, the excitement and the risk.

The iPhone is a blessing and a curse for horny women of all stripes. It allows them to get their giner tingles fulfilled; it can be their downfall in the end.

The oral lesson here is that if you want to keep having your female teacher play tonsil hockey with you, and keep feeling her warm, dripping sliz slip down on your skin-stick, then you might want to shut-up and stop bragging to your friends; lie even if they found your texts.


Integrity: A high school student of the week; a recent recipient of a 'Young Educator Award'. All that work, all the sweat and toil for kisses and some In-N-Out sessions with a minor.

That's no 'nothing burger'.

That is near greatness.


Presentation/looks: This category always proves to be the big decider; everything else is like Whose Line Is It Anyway?, where the points don't matter..

It's almost like we've purposefully designed the grading system to be this way...

Yes, women today would like to believe they can 'have it all'. Much like how Brittany believes she can have it all at the $5 All-You-Can-Eat buffet: Your eyes are always hungrier than your stomach; Brittany bit off more than she could chew.

You can have the best love story (methodology); you can even have an inspiring moral conundrum. However, when every single Female Sex Scandal Teacher takes the stage and shows us her goods, that is the make-it or break-it test; the boner test.

Brittany should know this, she has been on stage for the majority of her life and career. You would think she would've prepared for this day of grading, her final Report Card, by hitting the gym, doing a bit of cardio and putting down those burgers.

But no, Brittany was too busy singing songs, accepting awards, sexting her student and trying to manage her giner.

It is the ultimate slap in the face on here: A FTSS with a great love story, but with no optics or pleasing aesthetics.

The sad part is, Brittany is one of the few FTSS in where she provides us with multiple entrées of delicious audio and video evidence.

The problem is, it's not hot enough. There is no spice to the visual smorgasbord. It is bland; too fatty. Too much of everything, not enough quality!

That pretty much sums up Brittany: She is just too much of an empty caloric intake; on paper and on stage.

We saw it from the start with her bio; just a boring, typical chick. The only thing grand about Brittany is her hip-to-waist, ratio.

Let's all try to guess which Choir Chad Brittany hit the 'high note' with!

I understand why it wasn't her duet partner.....

(Her duet partner)-- I haven't seen a shirt so perfectly tucked since the days of Seinfeld...

She's very accepting of awards...and of her students

She's got a 'Wizard's sleeve'....


Personal Notes: Brittany seemed to have found a new 'duet partner'; I wonder how that dude in the khakis is feeling right now.

Overall Grade


#Satire #Humor #MeToo #TeachersWorthyofaD


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