How to ‘Eliminate’ Poverty: Stop Giving To Charity


Christmas and the holiday season are upon us. Have you given to charity yet?

I have, it’s called: Taxes.

The reason why I never give to charities, when they call, solicit at my front door or when approached in the front lobby of the liquor store when I am trying to buy copious amounts of booze that I don’t need, is due to the simple fact that I pay taxes every single, fucking, year.

“Would you like to donate to charity, sir?”

First of all, how dare you assume my gender? Second of all, the answer is a solid, “Fuck off”. You simply tell these people that they can check with the Federal government if they need any clarification. They can check and they will see my tax return. There is your fucking ‘charity’.

The one thing that has never been understood is: Why does our society have to make things so difficult? All of the virtue-signaling Leftists, liberal-hippies get their hemp panties in a tangled knot whenever they see homeless people on the news or junkies dying on the streets while paramedics waste their time trying to revive and administer Naloxone to the parasite(s).

We gave to charity, already. Those paramedics, using precious gas and time in order to rush to that fenty-junkie, were paid for by my charity. My taxes. Your taxes.

Poverty is a Threat to Society; Let’s Treat it as Such

Killing someone in self-defense isn’t murder; it’s self-defense.

Poor people are a threat to society, a threat to you, a tax-payer; a threat to themselves.

People who give money to these parasites are also a threat to poor people (they aren't 'helping them'). People who give money to junkies who just 'need a fix, first' aren't helping the fenty-fuck. Thus, people who are giving money to these snap-fucks are a threat to society and coincidentally, themselves.

If you don't agree with me and would like to type in ALL CAPS in an email to me or in the comment section, scroll a rant of incoherent drivel and add to the peanut gallery of retards who don't know what they are talking about, you are part of the problem. Thus, a threat to yourself and to society. Since you are a threat to yourself and society you need to take some rational and logical measures, right now!

If you are about to type me a run-on paragraph as to why you think your argument of "You're a racist, sexist, bigot, toxic male" which adds nothing of value to the conversation and proves that you have no substantial argument to counter, then you need to do these three, very important things to remedy your stupidity:

Step 1: Stop yourself from typing.

Step 2: Slowly back away from the keyboard; put the phone or tablet down.

Step 3: Kill yourself.

If you know a friend or are currently witnessing them answering the phone or the door and are about to give to charity, you need to calmly tell them to do these FIVE things:

Step 1: Take the phone away from them; shut the front door on the commie, charity asshole.

Step 2: In a soft voice, calmly tell them to back away from the door; put the phone away.

Step 3: Guide them toward the basement or to the bathroom; turn-on one, faltering fluorescent light.

Step 4: Stand as a witness to ensure their head hangs with shame; subsequently hanging themselves.

Step 5: Pat yourself on the back for mediating the situation, effectively.

We, like all the liberals have suggested, thus, should work diligently on ‘eliminating’ poverty as-soon-as humanly possible.

The other day there was a person out-front of the liquor store, begging for money; whining for mercy. Many people walked by this piece-of-shit, ignored him.

Many of those people who walked by this derelict degenerate were probably liberal; leftists.

Nobody helped this shit-stain. Nobody seemed to care about ‘eliminating’ poverty. Most of these socialites probably went home, fired-up Facebook: Copy and pasted heart-tugging posts about how they are giving to charity this Christmas; how they are such amazing people; how much they truly care about society.

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Nobody, outside of that liquor store even made an attempt to ‘eliminate’ poverty and thus, eliminate the threat to themselves and society. Nobody made an attempt on that vagabond's, life.

Nobody took their car, fired-up the engine and ran that homeless-junkie over.

Just, appalling behavior in my opinion.

Just disgusted with humanity, right now as I type this.

Again, nobody acted in self-defense; nobody cared. Nobody went up to that homeless vagabond, an annoying smudge on the societal window, and stabbed him!

What is with people!

Nobody sucker-punched the vagabond-druggie, who was looking to fund their next fenty-binge—everyone looked the other way. The fenty-vagabond was invisible to everyone; a threat so open and easy to ‘eliminate’ yet, nobody had the heart to get into their car, go 0-80 mph in the parking lot from the far end and obliterate the homeless degenerate's body; paste it against the brick wall of the liquor store like avant-garde.

Nobody cares about poverty.

None of them actually care about ‘eliminating’ this threat to the city, the world.

Instead, somebody is going to throw this snap-fuck a dime or two, until they have enough to go buy booze, save up for a fenty-binge, so that they can destroy their community and the lives of others.

Possibly, likely kill other people in an armed robbery, a home invasion, in order to score quick cash from a purse left in the foyer. To maybe snatch $20 cash from an old lady on the street. Twenty-dollars of which that senior citizen, who paid taxes all their life to fund the welfare state, needed in order to pay for the little groceries she can afford for that week; for her survival.

Nobody helped the old lady help the junkie. Nobody teamed-up with the old lady in order to stab that junkie, slit his throat and ‘eliminate’ poverty for that one instance. Nobody cared, enough.

Need a cure for erectile dysfunction?

Why is this even a thing?

You know how you can get your ‘mojo’ back? Try firing-up the nightly news at 11 o'clock and wait for the story to come on regarding the opioid epidemic and how thousands are dying in the streets because they made the choice to abuse drugs.

Drugs that, if you have two brain cells—which these snap-fucks probably didn’t have due to the drugs they used— any normal functioning, smart person, would know causes someone to get addicted (that’s the purpose of these substances, for you to get addicted).

If you turned on the TV, and saw the bodies—how the paramedics just couldn’t get there in time to revive these losers— you should be popping the fiercest boner of life!

If that doesn’t get pre-cum dripping out of the tip-of-your dick, then I don’t know what will.

Seeing news stories of poverty being ‘eliminated’ right in front of you, should make you have a reason to get-up in the morning, spring out of bed like the jolliest mother-fucker you know; thus begin the day empowered, energized; ready to fuck the day’s pussy!

Just seeing the lifeless body of some junkie on a coroner gurney makes me moist.

Gazing at the TV screen, with a cold beer, seeing what would, presumably, be the cold bodies of fenty-junkies in rigor mortis, should turn your soft-serving-of-a-shlong into a rigid, hot stiffy: The total opposite of those cold, lifeless bodies!

If that doesn’t do it for you, just use your imagination:

Picture yourself, ‘eliminating’ poverty.

Picture yourself in your truck after you just filled it’s tank, topped-it off with enough petrol to last a week of fun.

Imagine going to the auto-dealer and making that commitment, that purchase in order to help your society in ridding it of poverty. Imagine asking the dealer what ram bar would be appropriate to place on the grill.

Then, comb the streets at night. Look for the alleys that contain the threats, the people who need your 'help' the most; the fenty, pepsi-head, burnt spoon junkies— The needle-dicks.

Line your newly deck-out ‘charity’ truck at one end of the alleyway. Take a deep breath, count to five; slam on the gas! Watch the world change for the better as you feel all the ‘bumps’ in the road; hear the screams and the nuances of ever meth-head being crushed under the weight of your charity!

At the end of the alleyway, hit the brakes. Take a look in your rear view mirror; try not to cream your jeans.

You are a hero; you gave your charity. You are allowed to masturbate, now. Be rewarded.

Paramedics with your tax dollars claim to be ‘responding’ to poverty everyday of the year. I am just not seeing it, really.

Responding Code 3 (post haste) to Poverty

If you want to ‘eliminate’ poverty, why not just simply eliminate poverty?

If I were a paramedic in Vancouver, Toronto, Detroit, Los Angeles, or any other liberal cesspool to which fosters decay at a faster rate than normal, I would wake-up every, single, day, with hope and a smile— Just knowing that I was going to be able to ‘help’ so many junkies with my ‘speedy’ response time!

A call would come over the box alarm, “10-David, please respond to a 10-50, with regards to a 10-48 (garbage complaint); possible 10-45C (patient critical) at the corner of 5th and fuck-the-dog”, “Unit respond code 3, expedite your response.”

In English, that means we are responding to a possible drug overdose; patient is in critical condition and that I, the paramedic, need to respond quickly with lights and sirens—Blasting through intersections of traffic at speeds borderline unsafe to the public, putting many at risk.

The proper way to respond to poverty is to ‘respond’ as you should: Go by foot. No rush, John.

Ignoring the code 3, I would downgrade my response to a code 2, actually, make that code 1 (no lights, no sirens; speed limit).

Taking my time to the scene of despair, I would be listening to TheGreatOne’s podcast; eating a delicious ham sandwich; trying not to get an erection from the thought of ‘eliminating’ poverty from the world, one junkie at a time. Trying to be, professional.

On arrival, everyone will be waiting with their arms folded; police, first respondents, by-standers.

I wouldn’t even have to ask. “Dispatch, 10-23(standby)—“

Everyone would be shaking their head in anger at my slug-like response to the scene (Took the long route, had to stop for a beer!).

With great passion and glee, all the giddiness of a wide-eyed, happy-go-lucky teen I would proudly say into the mic, “Dispatch….this is 10-David….10-45D (patient is deceased)…ahhh... 10-55 (Coroner's case). Thus, shrugging my shoulders at everyone; hop back into the ambulance after clicking my heels; jerk-off, furiously at my job well done.

Upon review, station command would recommend further training in response time. They’d all suggest that I needed to respond to these calls with more urgency; speediness. Fine.

The next call comes into the box. “10-David, please respond to two or multiple 10-50’s in an alley, cross streets, 10th and Bonertime…Code 3, please.”

This time I wouldn’t ignore the “Code 3, please” response. My supervisor is counting on me, everyone is counting on me. Society is counting on me to help these ‘people’. My foot would be so hard on that pedal you’d think I was at Daytona 500!

Nearing the alleyway, dispatch radio would be switched-off and my iTunes would be plugged in via the portal. Whilst blasting 'Do They Know It’s Christmas?' (1984) Band Aid, I’d close my eyes, take a deep breath and try not to jizz my pants: Multi-tasking.

Gripping the steering wheel, white-knuckling down the alley way, the ambulance would roar.

The cherries would be flicked-on, full strobe; wailing siren activated. The two skid-marks on the underpants of society would be laying in the middle of the alley, desperately looking for salvation.

Let's just say, they will be needing more than a band-aid...

It’s I, Jesus in an ambulance. Here to help the poor heathens.

Right at the last second, before the four tires skipped over the two degenerates, I’d pull a “Look ma’, no hands!” for style points.

That’s one way to ‘eliminate’ poverty; degeneracy.

However, that costs money.

It takes away from paramedics dealing with real health issues: People who pay taxes.

Every ambulance called out to an overdose, responding to a non-tax-payer because they couldn’t control themselves and decided (addiction is a choice) to abuse substances, is one ambulance not responding to a person worthy of such a service.

A person who has paid their share, a net tax payer.

Real ‘charity’ would be for normal, everyday tax-payers, to take one day out of the month; a full tank of gas ($80), install a ram bar on their grill ($600-800) and to comb the streets and alleys with a heavy foot, ‘eliminating’ poverty.

That’s real charity.

If you want to rid the world of poor people, just simply get rid of them!

If you want to eliminate poverty, just like how all of these charities would like and say every year, just simply ‘eliminate’ it!

Cut-off the Welfare; Eliminate Poverty

Let them overdose in the streets without Naloxone; eliminate poverty.

Stop giving money to charity; eliminate poverty.

Don’t get me wrong, I too, like all the hippie-dippy liberals, would get a massive hard-on if we as a society solved poverty and eliminated it, for good.

All these people, these bleeding hearts who say they care and want to solve poverty, homelessness; starvation. The same people, who if you asked them, “Ok, so are you willing to house some of these homeless people in your own home and help them escape poverty?”

I want to bet that 100% of these virtue-signaling fucks would be like, “Ew, oh my gawd, like my husband and I can’t do that….that's absurd…we can’t have a homeless person living with us! We already have so many fur-babies! We have no room for other animals...”

Exactly. Go fuck yourself. Then, kill yourself. Obviously in that order.

You aren’t helping anyone. You are enabling poverty either way. Coddling crack and fenty-addicts does them no good. Using my tax dollars, sorry, wasting my tax dollars on methadone clinics and launching campaigns to instill victim-hood, not shaming these people, is a waste of time, energy and money.

It is.

You can mass all the celebrities, 80's singers in the world to put a Band Aid on the problem. It still won't solve poverty. Poor people make poor choices. That's why they are poor.

People make choices; choices have consequences. Poverty is a choice; addiction is a choice.

You can decide to stop. You can go fuck yourself, nobody is forcing you, but that's your choice.

Most people don’t want to because most people are parasites.

Helping the poor and fostering more of it by-way of programs and coddling won’t solve the issue of poverty. It will just create more of it.

Allowing stupid people, poor people who are stupid, to breed endlessly—shit out kids they can’t afford—while the smart people, people with high IQ’s don’t because they don’t want to end up in poverty, will foster Idiocracy: A society in where the stupid and the poor outnumber the smart and the wealthy.

Evolution does not care about ‘progresses'; beauty and advancement. Society can and will crumble if let be. The human race is heading in the wrong direction; a dumbing down; fostering losers instead of winners; Caring not for winners, but allowing failure to be a great achievement.

A society in where we reward stupid people, stupid behavior, and shit-on people who are successful.

Evolution does not make moral judgments.

Evolution does not necessarily reward that which is good or beautiful. It simply rewards those who reproduce the most.

And right now, losers are the ones whom are reproducing the most due to the political and cultural environment: A welfare state.

A welfare state that incentivizes, coddles and makes it easy for losers and parasites to survive and thrive. Sucking the wealth from smart people and wasting it on negative consumption (producing that which consumes more than it adds).

In any other point in history, these people wouldn’t have been allowed to survive. Nature would’ve taken them out to pasture. Today, life is so easy in the West. There are no wars. No famine; food is plentiful hence how fucking fat everyone is.

There is no evolutionary struggle. Losers can thrive and survive; they can even breed and still survive due to government cheese (welfare checks; your tax dollars). Without that government cheese, these rats would not be able to have five kids from five different baby-daddy’s; have a big screen 4k TV; drive to and from the welfare office; buy drugs; destroy beauty and what is left of it.

Many studies have proven that states which eliminated welfare or placed restrictions, caused (forced) 70% of welfare recipients to go and get jobs. The other 30% would remain in poverty, homelessness forever.

Too bad, so sad. The way it should be.

The way nature would want it to be.

Those people shouldn’t have been able to survive in the first place.

Society just needs a kick in the ass, people need to struggle. If people get a kick-in-the ass one of two things will happen: They will either find a way to survive or they will die.

Most people, when the welfare and the cheese is taken away, will quickly get-off their ass and miraculously will find work! Wow, it’s amazing.

They could’ve found a job at any point in their welfare career, but chose not to because they weren’t struggling to the point of total discomfort and close death. However, you take it all away, now, the rat actually needs to get off its fat, fucking ass and do something or it won’t be able to breed, watch day-time TV, eat hot-pockets and do drugs all day long. If not, the rat dies.

Either way, society wins!

Evolution, wins.

We get true, ‘progress’ however little it will be.

Instead, today, we have a welfare state and ‘charities’ calling us, begging to help to poor. Fuck off!

I already paid my taxes this year.

I already gave to charity.

I already gave to the poor, the fenty-addicts who litter my streets with their choices, their behavior and their degeneracy.

What have you done for me, ass-fuck!?

That’s what my tax dollars are going toward; funding poverty; funding degeneracy. It's charity.

I gave, oh baby, have I given.

If I had any say in how my ‘charity’ should be spent, let it be known that if we (as a society) are to spend money on helping those in need, here is one way we can waste money; eliminate poverty.

If it should cost me, I would like it to be worth it. I want a show! A spectacle. A production to look forward to, annually.

I would like us to go big on poverty spending: Some fireworks, explosions; a celebration of our giving.

Decommissioning Degeneracy

The best possible way, if we are to spend money on ‘eliminating’ poverty once and for all, is to combine programs.

We already have funds that go toward decommissioning old warships when their utility has expired; why not save a bit of our tax dollars and use this process to decommission poverty!?

Again, if you are still having trouble getting erect or finding a way, as a ‘progressive-liberal’ to masturbate your ego, fellate yourself for all you’ve done to help rid the world of poverty, then hear me out.

Trust me; you’re going to be cum’n buckets when you hear this new government program I have come up with!

Every time our government needs to decommission an old warship of the line—heck why not every old shipping freighter—we round-up all of the junkies, skid-marks, losers who made the choice to be snap-fucks and load them all onto said ship.

The ship would then be dragged out to sea, just like the lifeless body of a junkie-fuck, and would await the steady finger of one lucky dude at mission control to press that red button; to launch one giant cruise missile targeting the coordinates, locking onto the ship-of-shit.

There is no lottery; there is no highest-ranking officer who would get the honor of pushing that cum-button. Instead, every year we, as a society, would select the person who gave to charity the most (paid the most taxes).

He (it would obviously be a heterosexual, white man), the heterosexual white wealthy venture capitalist, would get the esteemed honor, of launching the missile of hope. After all, he rightfully deserved that honor. It’s no privilege. He earned it. He gave the most to charity.

Said honorary figure would be gifted a pair of adult Huggies as to prevent creaming his suit pants the moment that cruise missile turned that creaking, dilapidated ship into one beautiful, giant explosion of progress.

An explosion for one: An explosion for all.

If you want to eliminate poverty, stop giving to charity.

#Satire #Humor #WelfareSnapfucks #UncleNick

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