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Hey everyone, Karen Moran here, holy jeepers it's been a while since I've updated this blog! Sorry about my yoga website being down for almost a year, I forgot to pay the bill, silly me!
Life has just been crazy for our little family lately. Being a mom of three fur-babies (and my husband) can really take a lot of time out of a go-gurl's day.
Ladies, I hear it all the time:
"Multi-level marketing businesses are a scam!"
"It's just a pyramid scheme, like the 'Gifting Tables'"
"Why did you and your other cult followers kidnap me in the middle of the night and take me to this crowded sales pitch for essential oils and yoga training courses?"
And let me just be honest: I get it, girls.
You're skeptical. You've been burned by the other brands and moms working out of their basements. But let me tell you, that's only because you haven't found the brand that really works!
It's just like with Communism!
...Until now!
Allow me to introduce you to MLMLife™ (Moms Loving Moms) essential oils. The one true MLM that's sure to make all of your dreams come true! Don't believe me? Then how do you explain this stock photo of a middle-aged woman, laughing it up, enjoying her riches on a luxury yacht?
If that's not proof this works, I don't know what is!
I am here, speaking my truth for you.
I know, other mommy brands have failed you.
They all seem to quit their journey after they're no longer getting the attention that they'd hoped for, or they simply ran out of money to run the game on you. I promise from now on, I will not disappear for a year and then update my blog, Instagram or Facebook page suddenly, in order to divert everyone to my next journey and MLM.
Put aside your concern and skepticism for just a moment, and ask yourself:
Isn't it about time you became your own #Momboss?
Isn't it time you stopped working for The Man, and asked your husband to take out a loan for your new Health & Wellness gig?
Isn't it about time you have a life of shallow materialism that you think you are entitled to?
Isn't it time you stopped failing in life and started to really struggle for your dream?
"But Karen," you might whine, "You're not really an independent business owner! You're no different than any corporate employee with an Instagram page, and stock photos with catchy inspirational quotes."
Well then, how do you explain the fact that I have no regular salary, pension, or standard employee benefits?
Now, if I am really speaking my truth; this journey hasn't been without its miscarriages and sacrifices. My husband had to take on a second job in order to cover the cost of my monthly premium purchase requirements and certificates so I can teach people how to breath oxygen while sitting down, cross-legged.
My friends and family have all stopped talking to me after I started spamming their Facebook and Instagram pages with quick-to-make ads about my new journey into health & wellness. When I wasn't getting enough 'likes' or views, I started private messaging them and everyone on their friends list to tell them to share my adverts and let them know about my new journey and the exciting opportunity for them to give me money.
My AA group excommunicated me for disguising my MLMLife™ parties as a 'women's addiction healing' study. Sadly, that's just what happens when you're a doer in life: You have to leave the non-believers, non-doers, toxic people and other meaningful relationships behind in order to barely get ahead.
Now, I know you might not believe in the benefits of laying on a mat and grounding yourself like a child, but that's the beauty of the business! You don't have to care about or use the product at all. It's the same with essential oils. In fact, you don't even have to sell the product to others!
I know, it all seems too easy!
All you have to do is convince other people to sell the product.
All you have to do is convince others to believe along with you.
But first, you have to convince yourself.
You are so important in all of this.
You are amazing.
You are the light.
You are a healer.
You are an empath; you can sense when other people are sad because of the frown on their face, or the tears streaming down their cheeks when they go broke.
Y O U. A R E. A M A Z I N G.
See, not so hard at all!
Now, this is the part where people (the nay-sayers) say, " Hey Karen, that sounds like a pyramid scheme!" But if it truly were a pyramid scheme, would it involve being contractually obligated to purchase products you don't need so that the person who recruited you can get a cut of that revenue? I don't believe so, because that is how I feel. That is my truth.
"Karen, can't people just learn yoga on their own on YouTube, like you did and then do it themselves in the comfort of their own private space?"
No. Learning how to breath while laying down and understanding why your body releases toxic gas out of your anal cavity during certain lunar cycles, can only be learned by taking my $3,999.00 training course.
"But Karen, there are literally millions of other #Mombosses in my city doing the same thing you are doing, what makes you so special? And why should I buy from you?"
If you have to ask that question then you need to go back and read my blog that I haven't updated in months about my struggle:
I have a rare congenital condition that makes me spontaneously orgasm every time I see a small animal in the yard.
You're probably going to now ask how much it costs to get started, and what the minimum monthly purchase is. That's the wrong question. You're a smart woman, so that's why I'm going to spoon-feed you this no-at-all pandering and patronizing response from my MLMLife™ marketing team (my husband).
Don’t ask how much it will cost you
to get started on your journey.
Ask yourself how much it will cost you
to miss out on this incredible opportunity!
Ask yourself why you’re slaving away for The Man, trying to make ends meet with your current income, when you could be almost breaking even as a badass, Strong & Independent, #MomBoss entrepreneur!
Stay humble & healthy,
Karen Moran