Biology teacher,45, at elite LA school packed with celebrity students accused of 'applying her k

Original story from Dailymail 8/20/2017

A teacher at a Los Angeles school that counts singer Adam Levine among its alumni has been arrested after allegedly engaging in an affair with a 16-year-old student.

Chemistry professor Aimee Palmitessa, 45, was arrested on Friday morning and booked in on felony charges at the city’s Metropolitan Detention Center, can disclose.

The pretty blonde, who works for the elite Brentwood School, posted bail of $230,000 and was released later the same day.

She joined Brentwood School in 2010 as a chemistry teacher, with news of her employment announced in campus publication, Blue Toad.

In it, she discusses her love of chemistry, telling students: ‘I am just consistently amazed at the intricacies of life as we know it and how it all depends on chemistry.’

Of her decision to move into teaching, she added: ‘I finally decided to try and do something that combined my interests and got me away from staring into a microscope for 10 hours a day, seven days a week.’

Speaking about the school itself, Palmitessa said: ‘The campus is beautiful, the faculty are wonderful and the students are motivated and intelligent.

‘It’s a pleasure to be a part of the Brentwood community.’

Since then, Palmitessa appears to have thrown herself into campus life; regularly taking part in school events and academic competitions.

In 2013, she mentored Brentwood student David Zimmerman to a second place finish in the California State Science Fair senior microbiology contest.

And in June this year, she played the role of advisor to a group of Brentwood pupils taking part in a ‘hackathon’ technology challenge at UCLA.

Outside of school, Palmitessa appears to enjoy an active social life, with friends putting photos of nights out in Venice Beach on their social media profiles.

Her academic biography lists her hobbies as cooking, traveling, bikram yoga, spinning and listening to music.

They say money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy you sex with your Biology teacher.

Problem here is that the ‘victim’, sorry, parents of the victim, paid way too much for their son’s “educational” experience. A young, tight, A-Class escort in Vegas will teach you more about human biology, and cost you less than a forty-five year old nerd—whose baloney bouquet, by this point, probably looks like a war scene from the trenches of Verdun; A whistle sack.

What bothers me the most, is the standard for female teachers at this elite school. You would think that there would be 'Erin McAuliffe quality' teachers at these establishments in LA; that charge celebrity families (and other Hollywood socialites) top-dollar for their children’s learning and future. I for one am disgusted. This is unacceptable. Granted, our girl, Aimee Palmitessa, is not a bad looker for her age, but come on! Forty-five? These rich teens deserve a better experience with their attention-starved, sex-thirsty female teachers. I mean, Aimee is almost eligible to receive the senior discount menu at Bob Evans!

Anyway, it sounds like our girl had a Walter White-Gretchen Schwartz moment with her pupil; in where they both took their love of chemistry and biology to the next level: Practical Application. Our girl also, through several vignettes, stated that she has a passion for traveling, cooking, bikram yoga (whatever the fuck that is) spinning and listening to music. Sounds like your typical Eat, Pray, Love bullshit brainwashing that has produced some of the most uninhibited and reckless vagina’s in modern society.

Life lesson: Forty-five is the new twenty-five! You go-gurl! Get dat rich kids dick. You can have it all!

The Report Card

Methodology: Going after the genes of rich students (who possibly have celebrity connections) is a very smart move; just in case our girl ever wanted to get into acting or porno. It's plain to see that Palmitessa was playing the long game; possibly hoping for a love child who would secure her future monies. We all know that teachers get shit pay. It's too bad there are few details of the tryst(s) to go off. It's a shame that the police have to hold out on us. It's bad for blogging and overall, a crime; for the sake of telling a good teacher sex scandal story. I say, shame on the LAPD; who historically have a bad reputation.


Integrity: We have to give credit where credit is due. Palmitessa held true to her passion for teaching her students biology, and about life. What happened between her, our victim's swollen appendage, and beyond Palmitessa's damp jungle canopy, was an act of humility. Two people joining together in order to taste the forbidden fruit: Palmitessa, wanting to experience a body and flesh that is almost thirty years his junior. Our victim, plainly just wanting to see what all the fuss is about and if all the cheesy sex-ed videos were true. The best part is trying to unravel how her PhD trained brain can conceptualize sucking 16 yo dick and getting away with it. Is it: A. Vagina power - what vagina wants it gets B. Validation - looks are fading so time for some young validating penis C. Girl logic - zero accountabity or reasoning or


Presentation/looks: This story could have been in Ivy league territory if it were not for our gurls diminished goods. This is where, I think, the real crime lies. However, we don't know the details of the affair. Usually cougars tend to be insatiable in the sack. And since it seems like our girl is the interesting combination of Eat, Pray, Love + Yoga chick+ nerd...we might be able to hypothesize that the sex, blowjays, or handjerbies were executed in a feverish, thirsty manner.


Overall Grade


Case Filed

#TeachersWorthyofaD #Satire


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