It is almost virtually impossible to have a horrible time in paradise. I can literally lose all my money and still not be bothered by it because a) I intended on losing it regardless; as I am aware of odds, statistics, etc. B) winning in Vegas is a bonus and you shouldn't bank on winning anything. You are there to blow money like your wad and have a good fucking time while all the normies suffer back home. With that said, the one thing that WILL piss me off, and almost ruin m

I am still going to include this observation in the upcoming entry into the Vegas Files—just got back from trip six— but this experience deserves its own post. We all like to think that we are so different from our ancestors, the cavemen and women. However, if you are a person today who doesn’t have their head buried into their phone all the goddamn time—like some surrogate zombie—you will be able to witness the things I tend to talk about and be able to analyze like I do: Cr

MOST PEOPLE GO TO LAS VEGAS in full conscience that they may leave and come home empty handed, maybe even broke. At the very worst, you lose your house, your wife, and the kids all in the preceding divorce; that would ensue weeks after you thought I'd be a good idea to bet it all on the Russian dog races at the book in the MGM Grand. This trip was different. This journey was already scarred from the start with the surreal realization that, indeed, you can lose everything in V

After getting completely demolished at Fremont you head on back to the main strip. This time, however, you take the Deuce instead of a cab. A bus ride is generally safer in Vegas; you're up higher, and if the bus driver decides to go full-retard the steel beast will likely crush anything in it's path if the misfortune should arise that your bus driver is, indeed, 'having a bad day'. In about an hour you're back in the heart of the animal out front of The Mirage. You stumble a

After experiencing the cab ride with Abdar (the Evel knievel of the sand land), you're just about ready to day-drink; which should've seriously started in the cab on the ride over. Abdar, the fucking lunatic, just taught you a valuable lesson: life is too short to go the speed limit. It would've been even shorter if he had side-swiped a tanker and caused a Micheal Bay scene on the freeway. To Abdar, driving like there is no tomorrow may work back over in the Middle East; wher

IT'S 8 A.M. and you're hankering for some grease cakes (aka- McDonald's breakfast). Jetting down to the lobby, passing by all the night-owls that are still playing the tables, there is a continual spring in your step. That jovial feeling and that shit-eating grin you have on are there because you're in Vegas; away from the suck. Every day is a new adventure, every moment; an escape toward pleasure. One of the busiest McDonald's on the planet is located on the strip across fro

THE MOMENT YOU KNOW YOU'RE DREAMING is when you first hear the words, "Strip club, gentlemen?" come out the mouth of some slick, club-boy; whose main mission is to get all the dude-bro's into the clubs by the evenings end. Everybody here on the strip, besides the domestic tourists and gaggles of site-seeing Chinese, are either: a hustler, homeless, or pretending to be homeless. It's a modern day gangsters paradise. The dude-bro club skeez tries to befriend you, saying that he

THE LONGEST MOMENT in your life, as you're probably wondering about it right now, will never compare to the agony in which one suffers when watching a Jetway slowly lurch towards the front cabin door of an Airbus A320, at McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas. If getting off a plane in general wasn't already frustrating, it is now akin to what an addict must feel when he/she is feigning. You haven't even set foot off the plane yet and you can already taste the copious a

Going to Las Vegas started out as a new experience, a place never traveled. What started out as a one-off has now turned into something more of a ritual, a calling; something that has to happen once, or in some cases, twice a year. You can call it the 'Vegas bug,' or an itch that needs to be scratched, whatever term or likeness you want to use. It's more than that. It's bigger than this. Vegas is a last bastion of everything that calls to us as freedom lovers and as individua