In this special promotional segment (audio), literally Hitler advertises his brand of retro inspired fitness: The Reich Way To Working Out. Don't you think it's time you joined the superior team?
Free Audio Trial & Promotion Includes |
Tired of the same old you?
Are you sick of struggling and getting nowhere with your kampfy routine?
Tired of being out of shape and not getting looks from the opposite sex?
Do you want to rapidly lose weight without having to put in the effort with all those traditional, difficult exercises?
Hi! I'm literally Hitler, owner, operator and founder of The Reich Workout For You! Program.
I'm here to tell you that you are all inferior, swine human beings, and you need to put down the strudel, and pick up a bucket of motivation!
Over here at the Aushwindle, we understand that "ugliness" and "fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness, pedophilia, or being Jewish, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.
That's where I come in, because over here at z Aushwindle, we are superior to you and we know it!
My employees here at the Aushwindle Health & Fitness (located in z beautiful Polish countryside) are a highly trained, quasi-cultural staff of personal alteration specialists.
With our competitively priced onsite cosmetic surgery ward, we can turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every morning, into a Franken-steen.
How do I know you’ll lose the weight, forever this time?
Well, I'm not only the founder of The Reich Workout For You! But I also have a proven track record of getting my inferiors to burn those calories faster that you can say, “Fuck, I left the oven on!”.
With over 6 million calories burned on my watch, I am the trainer for you! But don’t just take my word for it, go ask the Jews! Or read a book!
Come on down and join the winning team.
If Jewish you could look like me, buy the full DVD after listening to this free sample trial. I’ve already given 6 million people smoking hot bodies, what are you waiting for!?
Team Hitler's Mottos:
"Lose the weight, exterminate!"
"Bone and skin, for the win!"
"You're fat and lame, so board the train!"
Part I: Why Bother With The Reich Way of Losing Weight?
According to NBC, America's obesity epidemic, especially among women, is expected to get worse.
Minorities/inferiors are especially vulnerable due to their poor lifestyle choices.
BMI collected from 6.27 million adults; I have a proven track record of burning at least 6 million calories to date.
The Reich Way To Working Out! is the Final Solution to your weight loss problem...
Part II: Cardio Fitness Program For Women/Diversity & Inclusion
We focus on a wide range of women's issues: Cooking, Cleaning & Blowjobs.
Grab a rag and clean that oven!
By the end of the month, you should be able to fit your whole body inside your station oven!
Your husbands don't want to fuck your strudel pie because you are swine!
We teach how to clean the oven so well that I can eventually see your face inside of it!
Loss the weight, to the point where your whole body can fit inside of the oven. That is a measure of success!
Faggots, stop hiding like Anne Frank in the closet... and come join us!
Everyone is included, regardless of race, gender, orientation and other types of inferiorities!
Part III: H.I.T Fitness (High Intensity Trenching)
Members will all dig a trench, together as a symbolism of solidarity in their collective struggle.
The trench is a visible measure of their progress toward the Final Solution to their disease.
You will not get the silver bullet of mein Luger P38, that is the easy way out!
Members must infinitely struggle in their spiritual journey toward exterminating all the fat off their body.
This will be your ultimate, Kampf!
Part IV: Goose-stepping & Marching Parade Ceremony
All members, upon completion of H.I.T, will do a steady march and parade around the workcamp.
12 hours a day, 7 days a week until total extermination of calories.
Look your trainer/Führer in the eyes once shoulders are square to mein moustache upon passing.
This march will demonstrate the discipline learned, the weight lost.
Voice acting, artwork, script by: Frank Cervi