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ICE CREAMED MY JEANS: Alexis Mercedes Boberg,25, Substitute Teacher, Seduced Student With Snow Cone

Original story at NewYorkPost

A substitute teacher in Maryland plied a teen student with snow cones and booze, and late last month, had sex with him at her grandparents’ house, police said.

Alexis Mercedes Boberg, 25, of Severn, surrendered to police Monday after a student at the Center of Applied Technologies North told authorities they met up for sex at various locations in May after exchanging phone numbers at the school, Anne Arundel County police said.

Boberg and the teen also communicated on Snapchat, where messages soon turned sexual and the substitute teacher began sending explicit photos, according to court documents obtained by the Capital Gazette.

But Boberg first took the teen and a friend to a snowball stand in Glen Burnie, where the trio bought frozen treats before chatting in her car. She then drove the teen and his friend to a liquor store and bought them mini bottles of rum, which they drank before leaving, police wrote.

The teen, whose age was not provided by police, later met Boberg on May 24 at her grandparents’ home in Severn. He then waited outside the residence until Boberg snuck him into a back bedroom, where they had sex, the teen told police.

Days later, police said, Boberg met the teen again at a mall in Glen Burnie before returning to her car, where they engaged in sex acts, court documents show.


What rides as smooth as a Lexus and guzzles like a Mercedes?

Alexis Mercedes Boberg....on your cock!

After doing a bit of detective work on Alexis, I found out that this isn't the first time our gurl has been involved with the law. Turns out, via some of the people she knew back in high school, Alexis #MeToo'd some guy named Perry Toskov, who right now should be having a huge fucking party and laughing his ass off; also, authorities should revisit his case and get him out of jail/pardoned for most likely being wrongfully accused (false rape allegation) by Alexis.

Alexis, who by all accounts, is your typical Western female: Who's own sexual desires and hang-ups are being projected onto others.

How ironic, that Alexis would file a sexual assault charge against a guy she most likely had hot, wall-banging sex with, then accused him of sexual assault. To then, years later, find herself on the opposite side of the law; banging/sexually assaulting a teen boy; a fucking felony. An irony, so hilarious, it made me spill my beer; made everything sticky....just like Alexis's hands were after having a snow cone and a teen's cock, melt before her eyes.

The real rape culture is one that is involving Western women right now, sliding their slizs' all over the testicles of teen boys; slipping their slice of pie down on some boy's Johonson...thinking that's all fine, dandy and not sexual assault/rape via grooming and manipulation of a minor whose hormones and mental wiring are not mature.

Alexis took advantage of the chemical imbalance (raging hormones) and sexual vulnerability of a horny teen. Who'd probably be fine with fucking any female that moved, or a couch cushion, let alone, a fairly attractive substitute teacher.

Yup, in the age of supposed 'toxic masculinity' we have teen boys being plied with booze and ice cream in order for chicks like Alexis to get their pussy pounded, as if it were a pothole needing to be filled, packed and smoothed.

According to people on Twitter who knew Alexis, she was apparently a total bitch in high school; manipulative and a conniving cunt, basically.

Not surprised, at all. Most likely, a total slut as well. Chicks who are sluts, who want to fuck a lot but don't want people to find out, or reveal that their vagina is on the loose and rabid for a ravishing, typically will pull this type of shit: In where they will fuck a guy, as if he were a champion, but will contrive a story in where he raped her, or 'it never happened': Anti-Sloot defense mechanism.

It is a way for these mentally disturbed chicks to have their fun (suck and fuck every cock they crave) and then disqualify the fact in order to preserve integrity. To virtue-signal on the surface to everyone that they are not a horny, rabid woman (who can't control her vagina tingles) but a otherwise pure and innocent chick who is a victim, instead.

Alas, every slut has a weakness: Their needy vagina. Eventually, their sliz will get them into trouble because when you let your sliz do all the thinking....and give-in to its incredible, wide-ranging demands, you become an unhinged modern Western female: Whose desire for a pussy-pounding adventure (giner tingles) cannot be inhibited. It cannot feel discarded.

The giner wants what the giner wants. That is the mantra of the modern Western woman.

Welcome to the age in where we can see, on full display, women's dark sexual nature; a fluid one, indeed.

The Report Card

Methodology: Alexis pulled out the standard FTSS handbook and applied some known truths about teen boys. What teen boy would turn down a snow cone, booze and then a blowjob; a bang-fest at his fairly-attractive teacher's grandparent's house?

Very few, yes. When you're a hormonal teen boy and your fairly-attractive teacher wants you to deep-dick her dunk hole with your donger, at her grandparent's risky and weird as that may's like getting a call from the Major league, asking if you would like all your dreams to come true.

Alexis bought this dude an ice cream cone on a warm, Maryland day. It probably melted in his hand, resembling what your cock would look like when Alexis then gives you a tender tuggy in her car, thereafter. Your rigid meat-stick in her hand would look like a snow cone in Phoenix, in 110 F. A melted, sticky mess.

Taking her victim back to her grandparents place suggests that Alexis lives with them. All the other bangs that took place in her car further suggests that Alexis does not have her own fuck fort (her own home) and that she took a big risk bringing her giner tingle interest back to her grandparent's home in order to get her pussy satisfied; pounded into oblivion; knocked-out into the next solar system.

Alexis, being as horny as she was, had to make due with what she had. We applaud the effort and tactics. We all here can't imagine trying to bang one out with someone at our grandparent's place (while they are home) of all possible fuck forts.

Alexis is a special kind of horny.

Simply stunning.....and brave.


Integrity: Buying your love interest a snow cone is innocent; buying them booze is a ploy. Going as far as to fuck anyone, let alone jail bait at your grandparent's just on a whole other level of horny female teacher.


Presentation/looks: A fairly disappointing search on this one. Everyone (including this FTSS detective), was late-to-the-party on this one (late to the crime scene); all we could find were old Myspace (yes, Myspace) photo's of Alexis. However, I dug a little deeper and manged to get some more recent pics.

There is one in where Alexis has her cum-fuck-me pants(yoga's) on. Good for you. Even with that low-quality, blurred image of Alexis in her second skin, we here just have higher standards. It's not enough to be great. Shutting down your social media accounts within minutes/hours of your felonious behavior airing publicly on news outlets, just shows me that you don't want this, Alexis!

You don't want to be the greatest, female sex scandal teacher. Or at least, throw your best effort onto the stage and at least try to compete with other greats.

Being a seasoned judge of horny female teachers, I am just not getting the signals (and the hot bikini pics) from Alexis, telling me that she wants to go all the way to fame and stardom.

Truly ungrateful for the opportunity, it seems.

It's disappointing because, like we have said before, the Presentation/looks category is vital to the success of a FTSS as you will see below at the final averaged-out, grade. Alexis, and other horny female teachers out there: You can score all you want.....and aim high in your methodology and integrity but if you can't hack-it in your presentation, you won't achieve greatness!

Like Alexis, here. She had everything going for her: A career, a life, etc. And she blew-it, literally. That was her problem, blowing things. Also, Alexis had everything going for her as a FTSS: Above average methodology/grooming tactics, and terrible (like in science/lab result a negative is a positive) integrity. Then again, she blows it in her presentation. Just like everything else in her life.

Due to Alexi's failure at delivering quality pictures and a decent presentation of her assets, she will have to suffer a fate worse than her current state-of-affairs: An average, female sex scandal teacher.

Is there anything more depressing? I. Can't. Even.

The boat in the background is code for: "I am look'n for a Captain Stabbin."


Personal Notes: "Ice creamed my jeans!"

*The victim's last words.

Overall Grade


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