December 12, 2017
Det. Richard "Dick" D'Obvious
Case File: Investing In Canadian Weed Stocks?
It’s usually hard boiled eggs for this hardboiled detective in the morning. And yet, nothing gets this private dick harder than having to stare down the barrel at some two-bit perp—turning him into Swiss cheese. Sweet justice. However, I will always remember the one who got away. Nikki Valducci, the slimiest grease ball from Jersey. Ties to the mob…and to my burning memory.
If only I could corner him once again, in that dark alley. I’d do it right this time. I would take out my Glock and press its cold steel against his temple…and maybe Glock slap him a few times. Then, I’d make him taste it. The barrel shoved down his WOP throat, French kissing the barrel—the subtle taste of lead and gun powder. The panic induced saliva would grease thy Glock, making it primed for hard justice. I’d then shove that justice so far up his ass he’d scream “Mama Mia!” And before Valducci could beg, I’d empty the entire clip into his scared, puckered asshole. A closed casket, for a massive asshole.
A concerned citizen has written me: “Should I invest in Canadian Marijuana stocks?”
Don’t be a wise guy, buster. I don’t know much about stocks, however, I do know a lot about organized crime…and that isn’t going away, especially in the cannabis industry. You have to think, kid. If you were a junky and had little funds for chasing skirt, let alone, smoking your devil’s cigarette, who are you going to buy from? Who’s got the cheaper Game in town? The Black market won’t go away without a fight.
Det. Richard D'Obvious
Red Island Investigations Unit