10 Signs You're Pussy-Whipped


Where are all da’ Bro’s?

Suddenly, you don’t have any guy friends. Do you remember them? And if you do have a guy friend over your girl always seems to intervene or “crash” the party and take over the activities. Suddenly, she too is one of the “guys” and can’t be alone for more than an hour without you; even though she knows full well that you want to just hang with your bro. When your bro is down for the weekend, suddenly she tells you all of the chores you still need to do before you both can hang. You’re fucked, dude.

Pussy-whipped supreme.

You Use Phrases and Terms That Should Get You Face-Punched

Terms like “muffin”, “love,” angel”, “pumpkin” and my favorite, “babe”: Language of a cuck in the making. Don’t worry; colleagues, friends, family and Chads look forward to making the utmost fun of you while you simp away at your own demise in masculinity.

Your Wallet is now “our” Wallet

You did the un-thinkable as a man and let a woman control the household/your finances. Prepare to see all funds sucked dry and wasted on stupid shit. She controls everything from the food spending, the bills, the shopping and even how you spend the very money that you make. Before you know it she is divorcing you and you’re wondering why there is nothing left in the bank.

Cuck-mate, game over.

Your Taste for the “arts” has Changed Significantly

Forget 80’s rock/synth legendary bands because you’re now deep into Melissa Ethridge’s….songs. You are now passing up Die Hard re-runs on AMC for chick-flicks in hopes that your GF or wife will give you a meager HBO special under the bed sheets that night.

Fucking pathetic.

You Have a Bedtime, Now

Remember those nights, as a real man, when you stayed out until the sun came up; face down in a ditch because you had a fucking great night camping with da’ boys. Ya, run home now to wifey-poo as your phone is ringing because it’s one-minute past 10 pm and she’s pissed because she wanted you to take the trash out for tomorrow.

Mine as well throw your shriveled balls in the trash while you’re at it.

You’re the Molly Maid

Everyone from your grandma, your mom and your sisters friend’s is impressed with you; and your sudden aptitude and pension for dish-washing, laundry and folding thongs. Even your girlfriend is pleased and rewards you with play-time with your Xbox buddies. You “volunteer” (voluntold) to go Victoria’s Secret shopping. You now know the difference between a sports and a Wonderbra; a clutch and a purse.

You are a mangina, now. Tuck your sack back and call yourself, Nacy!

You’re Her Bestie

You don’t fuck anymore, you ‘make love’. Every night is not an exciting foray of sex and blowjibbers; humping like hungry hyenas. It’s more like a half-decent sleep-over that involves a lot of HBO series, Netflix and maybe you get to grind your boner into her ass crack and finish yourself off in the bathroom because she’s “tired”.

Tired of thinking about Chad fucking her slosh-pocket, instead of you.

You are Prime Minister of the ‘friend zone’

Answering the phone at obscure hours of the night to calm some petty crisis she’s having. You scramble your words like fighter jets to project security even though she just wants attention and or is drunk from a girls night (while you didn’t get your ‘guys night’). She only hangs out with you during the week, every other week on Tuesdays for a couple hours…because she is dating someone else or is fucking around on you behind your back.

You’re either the cucked borefriend or the ‘other guy’ she is using as an emotion tampon while she keeps going back to her “douche bag” fuckboy for seconds, thirds and maybe a fourth helping of dick-stuffing and man-gravy.

You’re from Cuckanistan

She’s cheated on you – multiple times— and you know about it but can’t help but remain the power bottom bitch in the relationship. You can’t walk away because you have such low-self worth. Enjoy the dry vaginal deserts of Cuckasnistan! Any hope of pussy is a mirage.

Anything ‘New’ Is Now Hers

You need a new vehicle for the house and you make the majority of the money. Nope! You won’t be driving that new car, she will. Because vagina. This is the story of your life, you give everything to women in hopes of a little, vagina; even if you don’t get it. Your wife/gf knows this. Do you?

#TheSexes #Dating #Humor

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