• Frank Cervi

The Struggles of a Zero-Fucks Author (Part IV)


If you have been following along with my struggles as a zero-fucks author, you will thus know that I have been working super-duper hard in trying to understand how the 'oppressed' live.

Of course, as we have all learned, feminists are completely right when they email to tell me that all of my accomplishments are the result of me having White skin; having a penis as well.

Since feminists believe that it's skin-color and genitalia to which determines success, then that means feminists think minorities are stupid and inferior?

Because, what they are saying is that I, yours truly, wrote and published five books: (Pretty Lies Perish, Uncle Nick, Burning the Midnight, CorporateLand, The Bro Next Door); with a combined page count of over 1,150; a combined word count of around 500,000 words; not to mention my 180 blog posts with an average word count of around 2,000 words per post...all because I have White skin and a penis and not because I worked hard and was creative.

Not sure, but that seems a bit racist, misandric and more importantly, demeaning to women and other 'minorities'...

But what do I know, right?

I am the evil White guy, right?!

I am just a stupid fucking cis-gendered White heterosexual male who is 'privileged'.

As for getting in touch with my 'sensitive' side, for the past week I have begun a transformation: Turning my skin as dark as possible via the Florida sun, in order to experience what it's like not to be White and privileged.

I am in the early stages of this transformation; my skin is almost mulatto. My body almost looks like someone painted it with some yummy, over-priced, Starbucks coffee.

Sigh....I just don't know if I will be able to handle this. You know....becoming (as close as possible) to 'minority' status.

I mean, my 'work' day is taxing enough as is...but trying to add a lot of napping, even more drinking, whining, more napping, a lot more food than one needs and a constant need to graze and drift through life...seems like a tall order for me.

This experiment is to determine the following: That if I turn my skin from White to Black, will my productivity go down and will my lifestyle change or be any different?

Will I become ghettoized? Will I be able to prove the feminist belief that White people are amazing and that Black and other minorities (including women) suck, and suck hard at life?

I always thought Micheal Jackson was right; that it doesn't matter if you are Black or White?

But again, he diddled little boys and feminists can't shut-up about how every woman out there is getting raped out the butt-hole, every second, of every waking moment of their entire lives (from age 13-90).

Like, your 90-year-old grandma, right now, is probably getting forcefully pounded without consent. Because, as we all know, rapists like to have sex with seriously old women, who are all dried up and inches away (pun.....intended) from death.

Will I experience racism?

Will I experience 'oppression'?

Will people treat me differently?

Will I sell less books and earn less money through all of my incomes (stocks, part-time gigs, dividend yielding investments, etc.)?

Will I get raped?

Will someone sexually harass/assault me while I am 'working' out here on my tan?

Will someone harass me for drugs?

Whatever happens, this journey, I am sure, will be a struggle like no other. I mean, it's hot down here by the pool.

Hot like the easy-bake ovens at Auschwitz, type of hot. This heat is 'oppressive'.

To make this experiment as authentic as possible, I have been adopting the behavior as one would on welfare: Drink all day, lay around, do nothing, fuck everything that moves, and expect things to get done around me.

This is going to be totally different than what I normally do...

God, help me.

I am going to do my best to pretend I am receiving other people's hard earned money (tax dollars via a welfare check). Single-mother's around here are hard to find. I mean, to be truly authentic for the experiment to work, I would have to find a couple of these truly brave and 'independent' women to have sex with; pump my jizz into and hope the ramifications from said jizz-pumping produce some bastard spawn as soon as possible.

This seems like a lot of work, though. And I am not here for 9 months; I would not get the full effect of having a child I cannot afford, with a less than ideal female partner, who will probably say I beat her at some point in our relationship; get the cops called on me and then owe child support for the rest of my life.

On the flip side. If I do manage to pump-and-dump a single-mom down here and leave before the baby is due, then I will have actually behaved in the proper manner that a welfare snap-fuck would do!

See, we are making 'progress'!

I am already thinking straight!

Anyway....

Being 'oppressed' and pretending to be on welfare is proving to be extremely difficult. I am so tired by the end of my 'work' day down here. I mean, all day I am laying by the pool; drinking, farting, eating more food than I need, and just being a general slob.

You would think that if being on welfare was such a drag...then why are there so many people on welfare these days? Would't they all be committing suicide left and right? Surely, if you were so 'oppressed' you would just want to kill yourself or maybe even have someone put you out of your fucking misery already?

I dunno, beats me.

How far along am I through this glorious transition, you ask?

Well, I believe I have, so far, turned my skin from a nice Italian white/olive, to borderline Latino..

It's hard to say at this point...

I mean, I am starting to feel more lazy as of late; I have been taking normal Siesta's. I know it was my penis that wrote all of my books for me and did all of the hard pounding on the keyboard. However, I don't want to chop it off and try to experience the plight of another 'oppressed' minority: Women. The reason being is because I don't think I could handle being a poor, 'oppressed' modern female today.

It just sounds so hard...

I know....who would want such a depressing reality?

Think about it, if I were to transform my sex from a man to a woman....it would be hell on earth...

Like, if I became a woman, today in 2018, it would be so terrible:

Things would automatically get handed to me at around age 18; dinner dates, car rides, rent money, vacations, concert tickets, money for college, welfare, baby-bonus', special government programs, the entire shopping mall being dedicated to my needs, media pandering to me, roads being built for me by men, bridges and buildings being erected by evil men all around me, oil being pumped from the ground to make roads and parts in my iPhone and men at every second of the day trying to buy me things because they like me.

My every need being taken care of because I would default to choose not to be an autonomous being (even though I would scream for 'equality') and have other people do things for me and not have to take ANY responsibility, whatsoever!

Oh my God, it sounds so fucking awful that I would want to blow my brains out on the spot!

I mean, could you imagine not having to the ability to fight during war time or to be able to do all of the risky and dangerous jobs that men do on a daily basis, because you are so fucking weak and physically incapable?

Oh my God, so fucking horrible!

Could you imagine having to do something as hard as laying on your back; spreading your legs a foot wide in order to receive a man's seed...then have everything provided to you either by said man or millions of other men's money via the government?!

Could you imagine having a longer life-span than men, simply because you aren't capable of risking your life as much and endangering it as much?

Oh, the horror!

Could you imagine, in today's welfare-happy age, of being able to get tons of guys to pump and dump endless amounts of cum down your vagina and have the government come (pun....intended) to the rescue!

Wow, talk about 'oppression'!

Could you imagine a life in where you not only have the government (other men's money) at your finger-tips but also have 4 other baby-daddy's on the hook for child-support/alimony payments and not be shamed by the wider (shit-lib) society as a cunty whore?

This is a life worse than Auschwitz, for sure!

Could you Imagine a life where you can destroy a man's entire career and future just by falsely accusing him of rape and get away with it without jail time?

Oh my goodness...so, so terrible.

For now, though, I think turning my skin darker and adopting the welfare-type lifestyle of 'oppression' will be enough to conduct this experiment.

So far, I gotta say....it's been super-duper tough!

Like, take today for instance: By noon I had consumed five beers and downed a Bloody Mary by the pool; passed out for a couple hours on the floaty. When I awoke from my drunken stupor I was extremely exhausted from my 'oppression'.

Somebody asked me what time it was and I was so 'oppressed' I couldn't do math anymore. It was like my brain couldn't work right because of all that 'oppressive' alcohol that I had put down my throat. It wasn't my fault though, what was I suppose to do? Not drink any of it and lay out in the sun and get dehydrated?

Take responsibility?

LOL?

That's crazy talk!

#Humor #Satire #TheSexes

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© 2020 Frank Cervi