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Six Feet From Christmas (2020) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐- C|Suite Magazine
The Millennial generation had Superstar Christmas (1997), which was one of the most over-bought, undeserving Christmas albums of all time.
This current generation will now have Six Feet From Christmas (2020) by TheGreatOne, Himself, which is surely going to break sales records of similar proportions, if not greater.
Six Feet From Christmas is a pandering success, one of the most inclusive Christmas albums ever recorded. The album spares no group, except for the Jews.
This[excluding the Jews] may be the only flaw with this album, as the Jewish community will remember this blatant display of disrespect forever, and will take umbrage with the artist’s failure to give them any modicum of attention, whatsoever.
On the other hand, Jewish people don’t celebrate Christmas. Time will tell how this will play out in sales, and in public reaction to what may be the defining Christmas album of our time. By shunning the Jewish people, Six Feet From Christmas (2020) will likely not receive much mainstream media coverage, or appeals to will be met with rejection, since most of them are owned by the Jews.
A bold move on the part of the artist, his marketing team, and PR coordinator. We will see how it plays out in the near term.
Our crew here at C|Suite Magazine have raped the “repeat button” on this masterpiece while writing up the review for the entirety of the album, including the reviews for each track—there are eight songs in total—on the album.
Six Feet From Christmas will hit you this holiday season, harder than a step-dad on Boxing Day.
You can sample the first single, "Dystopian Wuhan Wonderland" from this link.
It’s fun for the whole family: Grandma, grandpa, your whore girlfriend, a cheating wife, the Blacks, spergs, Karen’s, and the tards. Six Feet From Christmas runs them all over in a White sleigh.
Everyone can get in on the fun this season, by singing along to the harmony-friendly arrangements on the album.
If you’ve thought about offing yourself this holiday season, but couldn’t work-up the motivation, do not worry, because listening to Six Feet From Christmas will likely aid you in that stunning and brave endeavor.
It is difficult to think back to a period when the world had such a timely, depressing Christmas album so offensive, yet so inclusive at the same time (minus the Jews).
Six Feet From Christmas stands on its own, in our humble opinion.
A revolutionary album that will stand the test of what time we all have remaining on this gutter-ball in space.
Track Reviews
Dystopian Wuhan Wonderland (2:25)
The album opens with the very cheery, Dystopian Wuhan Wonderland—as soon as the dark (out of tune) lyrics from TGO’s mouth hit your ears, you will immediately want to kill yourself.
The artist here truly nails the spirit of a White Wuhan Christmas. Don’t let the sound of the silver bells at the beginning fool you, the song gets dark, real fast.
Lyrics like, “Gone away is your freedom, just give-it-up, you can’t beat’em!” and “If your muzzle is on, nothing can go wrong” really speaks to the confusing juxtaposition of the reality on the ground.
The backing vocals, also sung by the artist, really add that extra punch in the nuts, on-top of the one the government has given it’s people in this atmospheric rendition and soon-to-be, holiday classic.
This will be the song your family will be raving about at dinner time, instead of how your cousin got his big promotion at some kiss-dick & Lick ass, law firm.
The key and octave changes throughout the song by the artist are as hopeless as the future.
In the last chorus, TGO delivers biggly, in what can be considered, one of the meatiest double-backing vocals ever heard in the history of music.
A feat never attempted before by this artist, he demonstrates a zero-fucks attitude toward contemporary musical conventions; tosses all the rules out the window.
Hold on to your muzzles folks, because this is just the beginning of the nightmare that is Six Feet From Christmas.
Now Is The Time (1:50)
Have you ever needed a moment to "get away from it all" during the holiday season; the kids, the spouse, the fucking dog?
Now is the time to do that.
In this second track, the artist calms things down a bit with the very patronizing—not to be confused with Patriotic— soothing style that could be found in a female President.
Now Is The Time takes a far-Left turn with its economic themes, quick-takes on authoritarian ‘snitch lines’, and commentary on big and small businesses.
It’s hauntingly beautiful.
Now Is The Time will be the perfect song to put your six kids from five different baby-daddies to bed with.
The combination of the nursery-esq piano keys, and TGO’s buttery low tones will make even the staunchest of feminist want to drop their panties to the floor, and vigorously masturbate their vagina until a creamy orgasm is produced. Make sure to have some handy wipes on hand for this one, folks!
If you needed a break in the album to masturbate, Now Is The Time ….is the perfect slow-paced passion play on Six Feet From Christmas.
Now Is The Time to buy this album; this was all I needed to hear to put Six Feet From Christmas in the rankings as this year’s best Christmas album, and perhaps of all time.
O Orange Man (2:40)
O Orange Man is where this album really starts to tan itself under a bright Christmas spotlight, TGO’s vocal range really shines on this one; an evenly spread monotone that gives you tinnitus.
Those aren’t bells ringing on the song, that’s from your decaying hair cells inside your ear canal!
This third track on the album gets into the sexual, and will likely be this year’s “go-to” song for holiday love-making sessions. One can’t ignore the artist’s sexy fluidity in the lyrics chosen, and will undoubtedly make young women have sex- dreams and sleepgasms for nights to come.
This song is a cynical-lyrical masterpiece on its own. Oddly enough, there are no callbacks to the Holocaust, or shout-outs to the Jewish community on this one, even though references to literally Hitler are a highlight on this track: A slap-in- the face to Jews everywhere is what O Orange Man is at its core, as the artist fails to give any morsel of attention to this community of box-car bandwagon-ers.
Creative, genius— a masterful medley of ad-homonym.
TGO impregnates the listeners ears with passages like, “Orange Man O, Orange Man, you lost your second election, to a senile old pedophile, who cannot hide his erection” and, “Draining the swamp sure sounded good, maybe you did the best you could,” really show the artist’s talent in hiding innuendo and euphemisms throughout the piece.
“O Orange Man” will be what all the ladies say moments before climaxing under their warm sheets this holiday season.
Shut Up And Wear The Damn Muzzle (2:32)
A personal favorite. The song is a statement of the entire album.
In one of the only two songs on the album in which the artist directly addresses the audience, Shut Up And Wear The Damn Muzzle is exactly what you’d expect it to be: This Christmas' favorite family sing-along song!
Shut Up And Wear The Damn Muzzle is a pandering, tour de force.
The artist takes no-shame in this one, as he targets the Boomer demographic with great attention. This single from the album will truly be beloved by Boomers everywhere this holiday season.
“This is a pandemic, your grandma could die, but keep spending your
cuckbucks at Amazon.com” is one of those lines, from this thoughtful and moving celebration of the Wuhan holiday spirit, that will make you question life around you in a profound and cynical way.
There is no need to crack nuts by the fireplace this holiday season, because the government will be cracking yours for you.
This track is blunt force trauma to the feelz zone; a heartwarming reminder that all of us are totally fucked, and the future utterly hopeless.
It’s 2:32 minutes of non-stop, shiv-digging into your heart and soul.
TGO really gives it his all on this very special number, so much so that you are breathless by the very end of the song; as breathless as a dying Rona patient.
Lines like, “Stop resisting the new normal.” will tantalize the closet masochists in your family.
Even grandma will find this one relatable!
Silent Night (2:04)
It gets dark pretty damn quick in Silent Night, the fifth track on Six Feet From Christmas. Accompanied by a sexy alto sax, TGO finds a way to bring diversity to the album, in this rare inclusion of lead brass—the first of its kind on this year’s best Christmas album.
Night-time is when the coons(Racoons?) come out; Silent Night is a gentle and soft reminder of that reality.
There is no protesting from the listener with this one; Silent Night is the perfect holiday ghetto, anthem.
Six Feet From Christmas is an album for all, and Silent Night makes sure to include one for the Black community to rally with: A song that should be played right before the shootings start after drug deals gone wrong; a means to a cease- fire for at least 2:04 minutes.
The jazzy drums and bass find a way not to oppress the peaceful voice of TGO, as his vocals dance alongside the sax.
The soaring vocals at the end will burn into your memory, as TGO really goes for it, and doesn’t retreat like an officer in riot gear. Ladies, if your crotch isn’t a throbbing dumpsterfire after these 2 minutes of beautiful agony, then go virtually see a doctor on your iPad. You need help, if so.
If there is anything you should burn, loot and murder(BLM) for, it’s this album.
The Twelve Months Of Lock Down (4:51)
Taking a more serious tone, The Twelve Months Of Lock Down makes us all remind ourselves that we should be more grateful for the government’s concern (oppressive control).
The state gives everyone a lot during these 12 months: Unemployment papers, rising rates of depression, fake death statistics, money printer go brrrrr, and much, much, more!
Get the rum and eggnog out, because this one is the drunken sing-a-long that your family needs this holiday session. Nobody should be afraid to join-in around the family piano and register any key, TGO’s voice will just blend right in with everyone else.
It’s a one-of-a-kind song that is great for easing-in the most terrible and amateur of singers in your family!
You might want to just hold the eggnog and do straight rum, because The Twelve Months Of Lock Down will seem longer than the next!
Vaccinate (2:55)
Get the ugly Christmas sweaters out, tell the Jews to fuck-off and leave Jesus alone, because Vaccinate is bound to get everyone in the mood during this unprecedented holiday season!
The backing vocals will really reverberate around the room on this one when set to High-Def stereo. They are as beefy as your girlfriend’s camel-toe will be, once the vibrations bounce off every surface and buzz through her mid-section and loins. Don’t be surprised if hearing this song makes her want to fuck everyone in the room, except you.
Vaccinate tackles some hard-to-deal-with, truths; it is the shot of dopamine we all really need during these dark times. This song is for the mindless consumer; your girlfriend or wife will love this track.
TGO makes sure to put in those all-important trance words like “Obey” and “Corporations” that will truly make the women wet between the thighs. This track is what we in the biz call: a "peach juicer".
TGO nails this one; he even said it himself at the very end. We would have to agree, because he is of course TheGreatOne, Himself. The listener must obey.
Santa may only come once a year; your girlfriend may just come twice in the almost 3 minute pussy tremor that is Vaccinate!
White Christmas (2:48)
The closing track to the album is one in which the artist seems to hold deep in his cynical heart; an ode to all the hot blonde women out there, worried about the existence of our superior race. A White Christmas, it shall be.
The sax makes a last and final appearance on the album in White Christmas.
The masterful mixing of the track makes the listener feel as though they are dancing alone with TGO in a ballroom, during a forgone era of greatness:
A truly Gay, immersive experience, you can almost feel TGO’s warm breath on the back of your neck as he whispers words like, “ I’m dreaming of a White Christmas, you know exactly what I mean…” and “not a single POX in sight.”
There will be no mix-raced, group sex scenario on this track. This is art, and this is the artist making love to his audience.
The style of TGO keeps the listener guessing. What does he really mean by a White Christmas? Is it a wet dream, a fantasy that involves ejaculating inside of every woman on the CSU’s Women’s Volleyball team? Or is it simply a euphemism for Enthocide, and Eurocentrism?
Regardless, White Christmas could be considered this holiday’s best way to commit Cultural Romanticide.
White Christmas is the true cleanse your ears need this holiday; it washes away all of the mass hysteria, and fills the air in your living room with superiority.
Take your head out of the oven this Christmas and make it a White one, put on the headphones instead of the rope, this song is what the holidays are all about: Trying not to kill yourself, your stupid neighbors, and your entire annoying family.
Grab a blonde, or two, and make them suck your cock while you drink a Martini, as you drift away into a world of greatness, a world that includes you.
White Christmas brings us back to the old normal that everyone enjoyed. It is a song of tradition.
You can hear every nuance of the ensemble in the background, as TGO serenades vocals into your head so piercing, you’d think he was right there beside you, tonguing your ear, and whispering themes like “Everything is going to be OK”.
White Christmas is a moonscape; a ballroom of White, blonde beauty that harkens back to the 50’s; homage to the Bratislava bombshell dancers that sucked the cocks of war heroes before they’d return home. The lyrics don’t skirt the issue, however.
Passages like, “The girls are in the kitchen, they’re not bitch’n” and “Blonde hair, blue eyes, under the open skies,” both shine throughout the song, like a girl who just shampooed with Maybelline.
It will be a White Christmas, with not a snowflake to be found.
What are other people saying about Six Feet From Christmas?
" I use to cut, and failed twice in the past in my attempts at suicide. I wish Six Feet From Christmas came out sooner to help me get through those tough times"- written on a piece of paper next the deceased body of one, John Doe
"After hearing the album, we instantly agreed. We all want The Great One to impregnate us. The experience of having his children will be almost as thrilling as listening to Six Feet From Christmas." -CSU Women's Volleyball Team
"My friend turned me onto TGO and told me about his sexy voice. Ladies, do what I did: Buy this album, sit spread-eagle over the sub-woofer during the song 'O Orange Man'...your lady parts will thank me later ;)" - Stacy from Florida
"I bought this album for my nineteen-year old daughter, big mistake. Now she wants to see TGO in concert , said she would 'un-mask' for him backstage...." -Concerned Cuckservative parent