Dedicated to all those who say the moronic words of, "Get a real job".
Some days I really feel like throwing it all away and going back to being a blue pilled Doughboy; grinding through a 9-5 CorporateLand gig. Sucking corporate ass and licking management dick.
What was I thinking, writing books; having freedom!?
Just a few weeks ago I was struggling...struggling to pack my bags, yet again, for another trip. It was so hard and such a drag.
So difficult, in fact, that I had to stop about halfway through my packing process... to have a couple beers and take a long, greasy (yet surprisingly effortless) shit with the bathroom door open.
It smelled so bad I almost regretted being born in the West...nowhere near as how smelly Somalia would be....but I reckon I struggled just as bad as how the people in third world shit-holes do; by plugging their nose and spraying the AIR scent Bora Bora made by Febreze.
I have such a hard life it makes me wonder if it is all worth it sometimes.
I did all this because I don't have a nagging wife to tell me otherwise, or a job that demands 40+ hrs of my finite life, every week, of every month annually; I am unable to happily pay for things that I don't need nor wish to purchase! Boy, am I missing the party!
Man...I must be really stupid for not caving into societal norms and the all mighty gynocracy! I mean...instead of sitting here in Florida, doing what I want, when I want, drinking how ever much I want, not having to deal with fucking morons, I could have been 'living the dream' by slaving away all of my time for two bosses: A modern wife/LTR or a corporate Daddy. I could have been sucking boss-dick while not having my own cock sucked by an overweight, less than desirable, entitled modern day 'wife'!
Instead of banging whom ever I want and enjoying the natural fruits of life without having to be subjected to it like a legal John by societal standards, I now have to be subjected to many varieties of pussy that is ever increasing as I approach and enter into my prime sexual years as a male.
Gee, am I insane!
Instead of living the dream, I could be working like a dog; taking years off my finite life in some cubicle and saying (ironically) to people in the morning that I am 'living the dream'.
As I put my feet up in the lanai on a sunny afternoon down here, while laughing at amateur golfers on the tee box, I am having way too much fun right now. I should be punished like the son of a deacan!
I am so disappointed in myself!
Disappointed that I am drinking way too much 'on the job' right now.
Not my proudest moment, I tell ya. I just wish that someone would come downstairs, yell at me, and tell me to go commute an hour to another dark box so that I can bring home more money than I need, so as to make said person stop yelling at me because she can't buy the latest iPhone... since she is clearly not an autonomous being who could earn her own damn money.
This is pathetic, really.
Being able to do what I want is just, retarded. Dictating my own life and it's direction is something that a pathetic excuse for a man would do. A 'real' man, as we all know, would discard his values, his code of honor; let people shit inside of his mouth while they take his wallet and leave him for the buzzards.
Think about it. I am Thirty-years old and I have never experienced divorce or the family courts. Fuck....I am missing out, dearly!
Somebody please, put me out of my misery here.
I should be back home right now, trying to figure out how to waste my life doing stuff that I don't want to do. I should be racking up loan debt by trying to keep up with the herd!
Buying McMansions for other people (some gold-digger); buying new furniture that I don't need from IKEA, buying a brand new car so chicks will think I am super rich, going into debt via my credit card so people will like me based off the things I own, and working hard on being an all-around, normal, douchebag.
Yup....I am a fucking idiot!
Why am I here, in the sun, drinking the Winter Collection from Sam Adams?
Why am I not working diligently on my non-escape plan for re-entering myself back into the Matrix?
Why can't I be smart for once in my goddamn life and think to myself,"What would an average person....with average goals...with an average outlook on life, do?"
Why can't I think the way 80% of people do?
Why do I have to be such a fucking weirdo all the time and come up with hilarious stories and articles to write about?
Why do I work hard at publishing books (Uncle Nick & Burning the Midnight) that have been compared to Dick Masterson's Men Are Better Than Women and have been hailed as the funnest books you will ever read?
Why do I have to be different instead of conforming and being a stooge?
Why do I have to be so fucking funny all the time and not just 'chill out' and go watch the football game like a 'normal'?
Why did I combine two genres (Erotica and Comedy) and create a satire out of it(The Bro Next Door: An Erotic Life)?
Why would anyone do such a thing like push the boundaries of literature for the enjoyment of others?
Why did I not just consider doing the bare minimum in life and aspire to be a welfare-snap fuck; have kids I can't afford, spend other peoples money (tax dollars), complain that I don't have enough money to feed my bastard children and my drug addiction?
Why didn't I set my goals and self-worth as low as possible and enjoy the misery that many endure on a daily basis? Because, as we all know, doing what everyone else does is such a sure-fire way to success! Oh no, taking the path least traveled where the opportunities lay is such a fucking, stupid and pathetic idea!
I should just go on welfare, suck cock for crack-rocks and pump my jizz into single-moms and tax the system even further. That will be best for society!
In someways I wish I would have married my first girlfriend, settled down at a young age only to have three crumb-crunches and get divorced, all because I didn't fold my underwear correctly.
Fuck, I am such a goddamn idiot!
Why didn't I just listen to women, my teachers, my professors, my co-workers and other 'authorities'?
I could have had it all!
I could have been apart of the group!
Listening to myself and other successful people was such a goddamn, fucking waste of time!
By now, I could've been married three times and divorced twice! I could have had so much debt! I could've even been a big-shot in CorporateLand with the title of Assistant to the Director of Cock-Kissing!
I could have been the biggest cock-kisser,ever!
Women and men alike would have whispered to each other, "Look, there goes that cock-kisser....my, my,....he's so normal and safe... and good at kissing-cock and sucking-ass. Such a brave man."
I get so many emails from normal people and the peanut gallery, telling me all the time to 'get a real job'.
I must be doing something wrong because, like, when you are right over the target that's when you start to take flak. And as we all know...taking flak is a lot for normal people to handle because its scary and hard; it's sooo traumatizing. It will hurt their fee-fee's if someone gets triggered by the truth and starts ranting at them.
It's such a huge hurdle and struggle for an author like myself, to have to deal with these emails because it goes something soo horrible, like this:
I have to walk to my fridge to go grab a couple cold beers. Then, oh my goodness, I have to walk back... to my computer...and open up my website editor.
I have to then read the screed written by a moron; subsequently have to exude a few calories, due to laughing at said incoherent screed written by said moron. Then...oh my god... after I have read the horribly ill-informed, stupidly composed screed, I have to make fun of it... and use it as content... to then sell more copies of the books that they 'had a problem' with!
I have to then write, with pleasure, an article or passage pointing out why the moron had made the very points as outlined in the books; why the book(s) themselves were in fact written to enlighten those who wish to be enlightened, and trigger those who still wish to remain morons.
All of this takes, if you can believe it, very little time and effort; I gain a tremendous amount of pleasure from it.
It is sickening. Having to laugh all day long at stupid people and then get to write about it and prove how right I am, all the time.
I need to have a fun-ectomy!
This is the struggle I have to deal with because I feel so bad sometimes about how much fun I am having. I struggle with this disorder everyday and have been since the year 2015 when I began this journey.
I just hope that a major pharma company can develop some sort of expensive drug for me to take, so I can get back to normal and be normal again; to be depressed and not have all this fun and freedom anymore. It's just too much sometimes for me to handle!
I am a victim, now. I have this disease; freedom.
It must be purged so that people will stop sending me hilariously stupid emails projecting their deepest and darkest fears on to me, as well as their internal insecurities about the life they are living.
I don't know what to do with myself today, with this disorder. It might drive me to near suicide because in 5 minutes I will probably have to decide if I want to have another cold, fresh beer, or pass out in the sun.
Or, heaven forbid, I do both.
Giving Zero-fucks is Just a Click Away. See How it is Done by a Professional Dick-head Like Uncle Nick!